so this is a flavoured milk of sorts. it's an iced coffee. it is very milky though. it does have coffee in it as oppose to being a coffee flavoured milk. after a serious amount of thought i have decided to include it in the milk milk blog.
i was drawn to this flavoured milk during a very long road trip. i wanted something to wake me up. i'm not a big red bull etc. drinker so the obvious choice was coffee. however, the vehicle i was travelling in was very bumpy jumpy so a hot coffee didn't seem appealing after running a couple of hypothetical scenarios through my head (which mostly ended with me attached to a burnt crotch).
NAME: 70%
the name isn't instantly perceivable. a quick glancer could be forgiven for thinking it was "ice break real ice coffee cold".
also, one is confused as to what is the actual name and what is a subtitle or explanatory text. is "real coffee" the flavour? the title? or a guiding measure of succor to our minds which are racing with "what if it's only coffee flavour and won't give me the caffiene hit i need!?".
and "ice cold" ... that can't be the name of something can it? what if someone left it out in the sun? also: i know what you're thinking; but try as i might i couldn't find tiny text reading: "best enjoyed:". i see a trade description act lawsuit rearing its over-bureaucratic but ultimately correct head.
but the name is sort of cool and includes words like "BREAK!", "COLD!" and "ICE!" so it's well targeted to hard people wanting a quick hit of energy.
LOOKS: 40%
not the easiest on the eye. it moves away from the traditional carton form also, which i love. it's minimal but not in a minimalist way.
the bottle itself does have a reasonably attractive matt finish though and the font is suitably jagged and icey and powerful looking. it's probably the flavoured milk that a modern day Thor might drink.
TEXTURE: 90%
literally no complains here: you'll be enjoying a great texture all the way from the first drip-on-the-lip to the last coat-of-the-throat.
TASTE: 80%
this is definitely one tastey flavoured milk. one would guess that you've got to like coffee to enjoy sinking one of this golden-coloured beasts: not true. ellie doesn't like coffee at all and she was loving this one. it is very sweet and without a hint of the harshness of coffee. which, in a obtuse sort of way, detracts from the drink as a concept. the outside says: "icey edges" whilst the inner says: "sweet bevels".
if coffee lovers love this drink, it will probably be because they are also sweet flavoured milk lovers.
FINAL (NaA): 75%
the outer packaging isn't great but it is by no means bad. it's not served up in a carton which is a shame but i can fully see why this has happened (it's a REAL COFFEE milk drink, not a coffee flavoured milk drink) so i can't get too annoyed about that. the text is suitably harsh for a high-caffeine drink but not as harsh as the MONSTER-eque movement.
what does slightly disappoint about this flavoured milk (and it is a flavoured milk) is that you come away feeling like it hasn't stayed true to its roots, so much so i wrote the short story below:
ICE BREAK grew up on the streets of coffeeville. he lived a hard life: daily bean muggings, painful ice attacks, souring milk around every corner. but he grew up, he grew up fast, got his head screwed on straight and got himself to school. learnt the ways of the city and made it big, made it real big. but he changed, became something that wasn't recognised on his home streets anymore. he used to return to see his family but always heard the same jeers:
"filled up with milk ey? got a whole heap of sugar in ya? toned down your bitterness? sweetened up to attract a wider audience did ya? you used to be sour man, you used to be one of us!"
YES/NO?:
definitely try this flavoured milk. even if you aren't a coffee lover, you will probably enjoy it. if you are a coffee lover, take off your coffee lover's hat (and remove your coffee pride) before slurping down one of these.
COMMENT:
i've decided this section isn't needed and will consider removing it for the next review.
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